advertisement
Question
Posted by: Tammy | 2011/03/24

15yr old girl

Hi there

I am 25yrs old and have a 15yr old half sister. She has always been a problem child in that her parents (her mom and our dad) separated when she was very young (5yrs old) and she was exposed to a lot of fighting between her parents prior to their separation which resulted in her being a very aggressive and less sociable girl. During primary school she had limited friends and was seldomly invited to birthday parties. Since grade 7, she started to retaliate, through being disobedient and lying.

I know that I was also very ''naughty'' during this time and lied to my parents - my brother and I both started binge drinking at 15 (which I know she is also doing). My concern is that she does not like her mother and has asked to be put in boarding school to get away from her mom (she lives with her mom and sees my dad weekly).

Her grades are not good - she tells me she hates school and doesn''t care if she fails. She is seeing some guy who is 18/19 years old and constantly seeks mens approval. When she was 13 years old, a random boy said that if she showed him her boobs, he would like her and she did it... in turn, the girls at school called her a slut. There have been cases of parents phoning her mom / my dad and requesting that my sister be kept away from their children as she is a bad influence. E.g. at 14yrs old she offered a 12yr old boy a -|- , through mxit and the boy showed his mother.

It is difficult for me to get too involved as she is my half sister and we do not live together  that being said, I love her and want to help her, but I just don''t know how. Her mother is niave and doesn''t beleive that she is so bad / naughty - when other parents phone her, she denies everything or says they over reacting.

Is there anything I can do, other than tell her that I am here if she needs me... she has asked to come and live with me, but that definately cannot happen.

Kind regards

Not what you were looking for? Try searching again, or ask your own question
Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

Hi Tammy,

You are in a very difficult position, and ultimately all you can do is give her mother and her the benefit of your advice. Warning your sister of the dangers involved and also trying to help her see that offering sex or sexualised behaviour will not provide her with a boyfriend or provide true friends is an important message and one you may have to repeat many times for the message to get through. Where her mother is concerned you may want to let her know of your teen experiences and point out that your sister is going beyond this and this will lead to major problems in adolescence and adulthood. I would also be clear with your dad about what is going on and give him the benefit of a young woman's advice on where this could lead for her.

I would recommend she has therapy but she may be very reluctant to take up such an offer. Keep raising your concerns each time something happens - this way your consistent message may hopefully get through to your dad and her mom, and her. Try to not lecture her as she may stop confiding, but let her know when her behaviour worries you and you are right to let her know you are there for her.

Best wishes

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

1
Our users say:
Posted by: Teen expert | 2011/03/25

Hi Tammy,

You are in a very difficult position, and ultimately all you can do is give her mother and her the benefit of your advice. Warning your sister of the dangers involved and also trying to help her see that offering sex or sexualised behaviour will not provide her with a boyfriend or provide true friends is an important message and one you may have to repeat many times for the message to get through. Where her mother is concerned you may want to let her know of your teen experiences and point out that your sister is going beyond this and this will lead to major problems in adolescence and adulthood. I would also be clear with your dad about what is going on and give him the benefit of a young woman's advice on where this could lead for her.

I would recommend she has therapy but she may be very reluctant to take up such an offer. Keep raising your concerns each time something happens - this way your consistent message may hopefully get through to your dad and her mom, and her. Try to not lecture her as she may stop confiding, but let her know when her behaviour worries you and you are right to let her know you are there for her.

Best wishes

Reply to Teen expert

Have your say

Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
Thanks for commenting! Your comment will appear on the site shortly.
advertisement