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Question
Posted by: Mum | 2011/01/11

15yr and Hubbly-Bubbly

My 15yr old son asked me the other day if they could smoke " pipe"  and i said no. Apparently it''s a usual social thing when they are socialising. My son is a very disciplined well behaved child and very good in school, we have an open relationship and that''s why he told me that he does smoke when he''s in the company of friends, my question is how do i handle this? i dont want to forbid him to smoke(which i cant) I told him about all the consequences of smoking and everything, but to be honest I just think he was curious to go full out on the somokinkg because he told me he would rather smoke(try these stuff) at home then with his friends, so today we bought all the " stuff"  and me and him smoked, but we have''nt even smoked for 5minutes when he became nauseas and throw up...and so did i, so we just talked about the experience and laugh about it.am i a bad mother for smoking with my child? and for doing what i did today?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Of course you're not a bad mother - you're a thoughtful and concerned mom. YOu are right to recognize that you cannot be with a child 24/7 to physically prevent them from trying such things, and that the best safeguard is a child who knows your opinion and the relevant facts, so they know WHY you consider it a bad idea , so they're encouraged to form a similar opinion of their own and to be prepared to withstand peer presure when they meet it, as they will. And maintaining an op[en communication about such matters is far more protective than empty forbidding.
And if they are going to try it, doing so in the safety of their home, where they feel confident to notice that it's not as pleasant as the Forbidden Fruit is usually asumed to be, probably helps, too.
We know why tobaco, for instance, is addictive. What puzzles me more, and it must lie in the realm of peer presure and similar encouragement, is why people continue to smoke, even though their early experiences are usually unpleasant, and persist UNTIL they find it pleasant, whereas most other unpleasant experiences don't get repeated.
If coruse it's harder to convince a child that smoking or drinking or whatever is not a good idea, if they regularly see their parents doing it.
Congratulations to both of you for your shared good sense.

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4
Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2011/01/11

No I think you''re a great mom and you have an excellent relationship with your son.

Reply to Maria
Posted by: Gracie | 2011/01/11

No I don''t think you are a bad mother either ... he wanted to smoke, you smoked, you puked, you laughed, hopefully he now realises what a bad habit smoking is (cigarettes or otherwise) and will not try it again! I have 2 grown up sons and I always used to warn them about the dangers of smoking. They both went to the UK for 2 years and when they came back both were smokers .... we can only warn our kids about the dangers of doing certain things, but if they want to do it, they will whether we like it or not! I think it was a good idea on your part to allow him to rather try this with you than with this friends!

Reply to Gracie
Posted by: Mel | 2011/01/11

I don''t think you are a bad mother. My daughter of 16 also asked if she could smoke it. As my husband is smoking " pipe"  we always have it in the house. She was also curious and I let her smoke it........She tried it a couple of times and said NOPE, not for her. I feel it''s better if they open and honest instead of doing things in the street and behind your back. Hubby smokes the thing and my daughter is not even concern about it. Smaller children smoke hubbly bubbly like it''s nothing. Also it is far more dangerous than normal cigarettes. Google it and maybe give to your son, that''s what i did to my daughter. As long as he off it, it is fine. And they are teenagers, off course they would want to experience. My daughter asked me over the festive if she could have a cider. I bought her some, she finished half a bottle and said it''s revolting. So in stead of her being “ skelm”  and doing things in the privates, I feel it''s better to first try it at home. She might go out with friends and overdo these things coz she couldn''t asked me for anything. And we all know what peer pressure is all about. So relax, nothing wrong.

Reply to Mel
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/01/11

Of course you're not a bad mother - you're a thoughtful and concerned mom. YOu are right to recognize that you cannot be with a child 24/7 to physically prevent them from trying such things, and that the best safeguard is a child who knows your opinion and the relevant facts, so they know WHY you consider it a bad idea , so they're encouraged to form a similar opinion of their own and to be prepared to withstand peer presure when they meet it, as they will. And maintaining an op[en communication about such matters is far more protective than empty forbidding.
And if they are going to try it, doing so in the safety of their home, where they feel confident to notice that it's not as pleasant as the Forbidden Fruit is usually asumed to be, probably helps, too.
We know why tobaco, for instance, is addictive. What puzzles me more, and it must lie in the realm of peer presure and similar encouragement, is why people continue to smoke, even though their early experiences are usually unpleasant, and persist UNTIL they find it pleasant, whereas most other unpleasant experiences don't get repeated.
If coruse it's harder to convince a child that smoking or drinking or whatever is not a good idea, if they regularly see their parents doing it.
Congratulations to both of you for your shared good sense.

Reply to cybershrink

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