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Question
Posted by: HOPELESSY DESPERATE | 2009/11/06

14YEAR DAUGHTER VS STEP FATHER

I need help as I just can not take it anymore the way things are going at the current rate. I am in a relationship for 5 years now and things are just getting worse daily. With me and my 11 year old daughter and his two children of 8 and 10 he is excellent and loving and caring and jus t now and the a bit grumpy. With my 14 year old daughter there is just no more hope. She ishowever not a saint herself, was a bright star at school now this term she had 2 subjects in the 20%. She has had principals detention already. She has been to a pshycologist already that informed me there is nothing wrong!!!! with her but the fact she is between wanting to be big and then still small. We have had family meetings where everyone speek their mind and make promises to treat each other better and respect each others moods. Things goes well for 2 days then it is total chaos. She is spitefull and makes him late. He in return swears at her and I am in the middle off it all and my 11 year old are just floating around. Father is staying in Australia and wants nothing to do with them. His children is stying with their mother. Not saints at all even though he thinks so!!!!!!!! PLEASE HELP ME SOMEONE

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

I understand your feelings of despair, but do stop thinking of yourself as "Hopelessly Desperate", as such thoughts tend too easily to become self-fulfilling prophecies !
I am always bopthered when a shrink is asked to assess an obviously troubled kid, and announ ces that there is nothing wrong. What they probably mean is that there is no specific pathology, no disease present. But especially as a psychologist,they are supposed to have the expertise to recognize behaviour problems, and to help both directly through sessions with the child, and indirectly through advising the parents on how to handle the child, to change and improve that behaviour.
Family meetings can be helpful, but not if they confine themselves to making promises that do not need to be kept.
Maybe you should see a psychologist ( a different one, perhaps ) to discuss the problems in detail, but to improve your own morale, and to work out a specific strategy and set of steps you can take within the family to bring her misbehaviour under control

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

2
Our users say:
Posted by: Blossom | 2009/11/07

Take her to a councellor. She might be projecting her father' s lack of interest onto her stepdad. She is obviously resentful and angry. Please sort it out urgently, she will become a dysfunctoinal adult and have an unhappy adulthood. I speak from the same experience...as I was a stepdaughter. Fitting into a new family is not easy, makes you feel like you are on the outside looking in.

Reply to Blossom
Posted by: cybershrink | 2009/11/07

I understand your feelings of despair, but do stop thinking of yourself as "Hopelessly Desperate", as such thoughts tend too easily to become self-fulfilling prophecies !
I am always bopthered when a shrink is asked to assess an obviously troubled kid, and announ ces that there is nothing wrong. What they probably mean is that there is no specific pathology, no disease present. But especially as a psychologist,they are supposed to have the expertise to recognize behaviour problems, and to help both directly through sessions with the child, and indirectly through advising the parents on how to handle the child, to change and improve that behaviour.
Family meetings can be helpful, but not if they confine themselves to making promises that do not need to be kept.
Maybe you should see a psychologist ( a different one, perhaps ) to discuss the problems in detail, but to improve your own morale, and to work out a specific strategy and set of steps you can take within the family to bring her misbehaviour under control

Reply to cybershrink

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