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Question
Posted by: concerned | 2010-06-25

13yr old molesting 5yr stepsibling

My son has been living with father and stepmother and has apparently been molesting his stepsister. My xhusband only told me about this today - he has not informed me of this before even though he says that it has occured multiple times and that the whole family has gone for counseling together and seperately specifically for this. Apparently stepmother has threatened divorce if my son continues living with them. He just returned from a holiday with me and I KNOW that nothing funny happened while he was with me - besides us having a great time. His father has gone so far to threaten him that he would be locked up by the police. My son has complained to me multiple times that his father only gives his stepsister attention and never him. I''ve decided to let him come stay with me.

His father wanted to send him to a reform school like Boys Town and wanted my permission. I refused to give permission because that just seems to me like my son is being thrown away for having problems. I will be taking him to a psychologist but what else should I do?

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Sounds like a very complex situation, in which the kid might be unhappy or feeling unwanted - which would not, of course, justify molesting another child, IF this is indeed happening. The boy needs to be poperly examined and assessed by a duly skilled child psychologist or child psychiatrist. Did he actually sexually molest the girl ? Or is this her angry acusation because he may have been angry or aggressive with her, as apparently he experiences her as a spoilt brat.
No sensible police would want to lock up a child, and not on the say-so of an angry relative.
Let him see the psychologist, and discuss your options with the shrink after the assessment

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5
Our users say:
Posted by: Anne | 2010-06-28

I think, first of all, don''t make a massive fuss over it. Let him first get home and settle down - give it a day or so, and then discuss it with him. Just now he thinks everyone is against him etc.
And very importantly, give him loads of love and attention. He needs that now.

Reply to Anne
Posted by: Anne | 2010-06-28

I think, first of all, don''t make a massive fuss over it. Let him first get home and settle down - give it a day or so, and then discuss it with him. Just now he thinks everyone is against him etc.
And very importantly, give him loads of love and attention. He needs that now.

Reply to Anne
Posted by: concerned | 2010-06-25

To opinionated - I agree that we have to find out what is wrong. As I said in my post, my son is coming to stay with me and I will take him to a child psychologist. And the warning bells didn''t ring because I don''t see my son very often because I live in the other side of the country. My x never even discussed anything remotely like this with me before. My son is also well behaved when he is with me and hasn''t shown any problem signs like aggression, moodswings, bedwetting, deteriorating schoolmarks or personality changes. My reason for posting is merely to ask how I should treat him. Should I discuss it with him when I fetch him from the airport, at home or only when we''re at the psychologist? Also, what kind of rules should I make? I''m scared that I do something wrong and then just make matters worse.

Reply to concerned
Posted by: Just my opinion | 2010-06-25

Look, kids don''t just out of the blue start molesting a step sibling.
Something is seriously wrong, and MY opinion is that you and your X have to find out what''s WRONG with him b4 wanting to send him off to some or other reform school.
Nobody is born a paedofile or molester.

And YOU as a mother should know that. Why have your warning bells not rung yet?!?!

Reply to Just my opinion
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010-06-25

Sounds like a very complex situation, in which the kid might be unhappy or feeling unwanted - which would not, of course, justify molesting another child, IF this is indeed happening. The boy needs to be poperly examined and assessed by a duly skilled child psychologist or child psychiatrist. Did he actually sexually molest the girl ? Or is this her angry acusation because he may have been angry or aggressive with her, as apparently he experiences her as a spoilt brat.
No sensible police would want to lock up a child, and not on the say-so of an angry relative.
Let him see the psychologist, and discuss your options with the shrink after the assessment

Reply to cybershrink

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