Our expert says:
This sort of thing shouldn't come as a surprise to you - I happen to dislike Facebook, too, but expect kids to join in the empty fad, especially when everyone else at school is doing so, and they feel foolishly left out if they don't. Rather prepare for this. Discuss it CALMLY with the child, askign if she's heard of it, what she hears about it, what she thinks of it. Emphasize that bad people can and do use such opportunities to find inexperienced people and make trouble for them. The best mu I know, has allowed her kids to have a facebook presence, but only on condition that she has free access to the page, is listed as a friend, and that the children know she can and will check randomly to see everything's going all-right. Discuss the risks of posting details of yourself online, especially address, and contact details, as its open to EVERYONE on earth, and not only your friends.
As to why she did this without discusing it with you - it probably seemed harmless to her, and maybe she expected you to go through the roof rather than to discuss it calmly ?
As Jesica says, if you didn't discuss this in advance, and didn't specifically tell her not to, she has hardly disobeyed you.
I think it is extremely foolish for any indulgent parent to buy any child a cellphone with internet access - it is totally unnecessary ( NO child needs that ) and not available for parental control, whereas with home-based web access on computer, preferably with the computer in the lounge rather than available for secret stuff in the bedroom, you can also use parental control software to appropriately limit access.
I totally disagree wih the view that sites like Facebook "are important for a kids social development" - that's naive and populist hokum and hogwash ( enough to wash a whole bucnch of hogs !) . The very best possible thing for kids social development is the old-fashioned way, by developing actual real life flesh-and-blood friendships with actual people at school and in the neighbourhood, rather than the phony "friends" on Facebook.
Switch her phone to on e without internet access, but give her internet access from home, and encourage her to use Facebook from there with you as a friend with full access, and yes, try a page of your own, maybe with her advice and helping you, so you can bond over this rather than make it an unnecessary crisis.
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