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Question
Posted by: CP MOM | 2008/10/21

11 year old disabled daughter

Hi Teen Specialist

I ususally post on the Cybershrink site but found you by accident.

My daughter is driving me nuts. Although she is disabled i do believe her being difficult has NOTHING to do with her having Cerebral Palsy.

She refused to do anything in the morning. She' ll get up and she' ll be fine and the moment she wants to dress and I say NO you have to put your school clothes on not normal clothes the shouding, slapping, swearing starts. She can change from an angel little girl to a real little " bitch" .

This morning I had just had enough - always trying to believe that its the disability. So I slapped her. Yes, I feel like a dog and the wors mother in the whole wide world....BUT my question is if this is CP related and not teenage related then WHY after she was slapped did she do everything without a problem?

She had a vaginal hystorectomy 4 months ago but the Gynae said that it is definately not related to this problem as her hormones are " normal"  it was not a hystorectomy a adult woman would have.

Her medication she has been on for a long time so it' s not that either.

If i would just let her do what she wants to and stay at home with the domestic she would be the happiest little girl in the whole wide world...but I cannot do that. She needs the stimulation and interaction at school.

I can understand the malls and shops because it' s the unknown ect yet when she goes with others there is no problem. I seem to be the problem.

She controlles me I hear from my boyfriend. He says the moment i leave the house she is a different child altogether.

I have praised her, i have punished her, i have ignored her, i have given attention when she DOES do something or says YES in stead of the always NO.

PLEASE HELP ME!

Regards
CP Mom

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageTeen expert

Hi there,

when a disbility is present it is always important to ensure that you are aware of what may be linked, but as you rightly say what may be part of her becoming more challenging as she enters into adolescence.

She may have responded to you hitting her because it came as a shock. However, this will have a short shelf life and hitting children is never a solution. All you teach a child is that it is ok to hit people when you become frustrated with them. Alternatives tend to take more time and imagination, but consider this - if you hit anyone else but your child you would be faced with an assault charge - so it is somewhat ironic that so many people think its okay to hit the people we love the most.

Having CP is difficult and will be even more challenging for her as she becomes more self-aware as a teenager and she is going to need a lot of understanding during this time. The gynae procedure she underwent may not create a hormonal problem, but having such an invasive procedure will have had an emotional and psychological impact on her, and she may even be feeling angry with you for having had this procedure even though it may have been medically necessary.

I would ask you to think about therapy for her for all of the reasons you not above. For sure she needs your parental guidance and boundaries and children can test you to the very limits of your patience, but you need to develop ways of discipline that are sustainable and that keep your relationship strong and does not force you apart from each other.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical exmanication, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.

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Our users say:
Posted by: Axe | 2008/10/21

Okay CP Mom, stop, just stop.

Firstly, you now know that is a problem and that is a good thing.

Secondly, saying she turns into a little ' bitch'  is a bad thing,

Thirdly, she IS looking for attention that much I can tell you. But not from her friends, not from the domestic worker, but from YOU.

She wants to be close to you, and I' m sensing some other trouble she might be picking up on. For example, your boyfriend (not saying he' s a bad person), but is he repremanding her or spending time with her instead of you? And where is her biological father? Perhaps an event (death, divorce etc) affected her more than you realise.

Definitely when you leave the house she gets like this, because she wants (needs) to spend time with you instead. Talk to her about it and hear how she feels, you don' t have to do what she says, but just listen to what she says.

And yes, I know I sound like a very bad talk show host, but PLEASE take my advice.

Thanks,
Axe

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