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Question
Posted by: malebo | 2010/09/23

10 yr relationship

i went out with MR X for 10 years and then we broke up and parted for 4 years. now our son is 5 years and mr X has improved on funds management skills and alchohol abuse. i have also improved on my temper.

we are back together and he is working but the job is not paying well. they pay him R600 per week but him employers is not organised, they pay him less money every week and say they will pay other money later. he worked for the government in 1999 but resigned to start business but since then couldnt get stable employment. however he is entreprenuerial and tries business there and there

he is staying in another town renting a room and i stay in the city and i bought 2 bed flat last year. currently i pay for the bond, my car instalment and schoolfees for our son. he does not have a car and sometimes he uses my car and i dont have a problem.

when he is arround he helps inthe house and he is good with our son. we are in the same religion and we love discussing the scriptures in the bible. for the past 2 years he begged to marry me but i was not interested cos of the long 10yr relationship we had. now i he tells me that he saved R4000 and want us to marry. and the money will pay lobola. but now who will buy the rings and other things?

i think we can just go to home affairs and sign. instead of doing a white wedding. my mum wants a white wedding, and lobola amount of R6000. she says I am educated and i earn a good salary (R17000 pm) and i have property and car. she thinks mr X had hit the jackpot by marrying me. how do I convince her?

for me material things do not matter cos he makes me happy. he is 36 and i am 35yrs and we get allong well together. when i marry him it means i will pay for all expenses and maybe he can buy groceries. is this ok?

pls advise

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Gosh what a long and complicated story ! It sounds as though he has been impulsive, making many decisions that might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but without realistically thinking through the long-term picture. Entrepreneurs SUCCESSFULLY identify business opportunities - they don't give up good jobs for unlikely possibilities.
His current employers sound flaky and unprofessional, and maybe should be discussed with the department of Labour for bad business and employee practices.
A couple with chronic financial difficulties should really not be thinking of a big white wedding - all that expenditure for one day ?
Your mom could be a bit greedy in expecting large lobola and fanct expensive weddings, for her own pleasure, even if trying to meet her wishes could cause chronic problems for the pair of you.
I don't think you should feel you have to CONVINCE her - you are a hard-working adult and free to decide on your own life and marriage.


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2
Our users say:
Posted by: cybershrink | 2010/09/24

Gosh what a long and complicated story ! It sounds as though he has been impulsive, making many decisions that might have seemed like a good idea at the time, but without realistically thinking through the long-term picture. Entrepreneurs SUCCESSFULLY identify business opportunities - they don't give up good jobs for unlikely possibilities.
His current employers sound flaky and unprofessional, and maybe should be discussed with the department of Labour for bad business and employee practices.
A couple with chronic financial difficulties should really not be thinking of a big white wedding - all that expenditure for one day ?
Your mom could be a bit greedy in expecting large lobola and fanct expensive weddings, for her own pleasure, even if trying to meet her wishes could cause chronic problems for the pair of you.
I don't think you should feel you have to CONVINCE her - you are a hard-working adult and free to decide on your own life and marriage.


Reply to cybershrink
Posted by: Ph | 2010/09/23

To tell the truth, 10 years is a very long time to decide if you want to get married, I have this rule that after 6 months you can decide if you want to spend the rest of your life with a person or not, BUT, you should remember that love has nothing to do with money. Although the world has certainly evolve and people do consider whats in it for them, I think you should consider how he makes you feel, if he treats you well, and really takes care of your needs (this does not mean bought needs).

Reply to Ph

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