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Question
Posted by: dw | 2011/04/21

1 person cant be your all?

Hi Doc and others, last weekend was a very emotional 3 days for me, a lot of crying and trying to figure myself out as I am very unhappy at work and where I am going in my life at the moment. My bf couldnt relate and basically he wasnt interested, gave me no input or empathy. He said I make him tired, give him a headache, doesnt have time for this, cant handle this right now, etc, etc. I know that he is extremely busy at work and has a huge deal on his plate, but since then I have felt different towards him and dont want to talk to him about anything personal of mine. Im now talking to other guys about my " stuff"  as they show interest and suggest different routes I could take. However I feel I am cheating on my bf, is this wrong what I am doing?
Maybe what they say is true, that you cant expect someone to be your everything. Maybe you need to have different people in your life that you share fun times, friendly times, deep times, emotional times, etc.
The problem now is that I dont want to be intimate with my bf anymore, because my issues are included in this package and therefore he cant have my body, if he cant handle my emotions.
Any advice? Thanks.

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Our expert says:
Expert ImageCyberShrink

Some bf's might not actually care ; but many men just find it very difficult to handle emotions, their own or someone else's. And especially if he is under extra pressure at work, too.
Be causious, as the other guys who are keen to listen to your "stuff" might not be all that keen to be helpful or sympathetic, but may have other motives to want to please you. it can be an efective way of flirting, and there's no guarantee that they will remain interested once they have got whatever they might want from you.
Does your bf perhaps have issues and needs you might not be helping with, too ?
Have you discussed calmly and in a non-threatening way, the possibility of some couples cousnelling to see what can be sorted out ?

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Our users say:
Posted by: Maria | 2011/04/21

You are right, you cannot expect one person to fulfill all your needs. However one''s significant other should play a big role in comforting and supporting you when you need it. Is this lack of support the usual way your bf responds, or is it just under current circumstances?

Reply to Maria
Posted by: cybershrink | 2011/04/21

Some bf's might not actually care ; but many men just find it very difficult to handle emotions, their own or someone else's. And especially if he is under extra pressure at work, too.
Be causious, as the other guys who are keen to listen to your "stuff" might not be all that keen to be helpful or sympathetic, but may have other motives to want to please you. it can be an efective way of flirting, and there's no guarantee that they will remain interested once they have got whatever they might want from you.
Does your bf perhaps have issues and needs you might not be helping with, too ?
Have you discussed calmly and in a non-threatening way, the possibility of some couples cousnelling to see what can be sorted out ?

Reply to cybershrink

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