Noises you don’t want to overhear

A faintly ridiculous news story caught my eye this week: this couple in the UK, having been hauled before a court and convicted for disturbing the peace with their very vocal approach to lovemaking, appealed the conviction on the grounds that stifling their expression of luurve infringed their human rights. The judge, mercifully, threw out the appeal (read the full story here).

Before he did so, however, the court had to listen to 10 minutes of recordings made from the neighbour's house (very graphic, apparently). Enough to make one's wig curl. He was certainly passionate in his judgement, and probably a little jealous, too.

This is what really gets me about the story:

1. It's a married couple, in their 40s, that's causing the problem. Since when do married couples in their 40s go at it like rabbits? This kind of shenanigans is supposed to be the preserve of new lovers.
    
2. They get going after midnight, and keep it up for a couple of hours. Who keeps it up for "a couple of hours" on any sort of a regular basis? And anyway, by midnight all grown-up people with jobs and responsibilities tend to be tucked up, any night-time games on the agenda over, getting the sleep necessary to keep Alzheimer's and other ill health at bay (sleep is fascinating: we're really only beginning to understand the role sleep plays in mental and physical health).
   
   It happens most nights. Enough said. Load of nonsense. These people already have too much of a good thing: let the neighbours have their peace and throw out the appeal

You see. I back the judge. I'm sure you do too.

Or maybe I'm wrong. You tell me: today we launch our third annual Great South African Sex Survey, the only wide-ranging, results-weighted sex survey in the country. We all got a bit flushed putting it together (the questions we have to ask!). Do the national profile a favour and fill it in. It shouldn't take more than about 10 minutes, and the results are fascinating.

(Heather Parker, Health24, November 2009)