10 November 2011

My life without Juju

I need Julius Malema in my life, says Susan Erasmus. But it appears that this too is to be taken away.


I need Julius Malema in my life, says Susan Erasmus. But it appears that this too is to be taken away.

Much of life is about dealing with loss: people, places, jobs, possessions. And now for five years, it seems we might have to do without our daily Malema dose on TV, at dinner parties, on websites and newspapers.

And on that jolly note, I now have to deal without the constant presence of the ANCYL President. He has played an enormous role in my life, and helped me feel deeply grateful for so many things:

  • I never had to do Woodwork at school
  • Spotting Malema on TV early in the morning usually put me in the kind of mood that things could only get better that day
  • I was too old to be asked to attend the R100m Youth Festival
  • Somehow if you wake up to the news that you are a criminal because of the colour of your skin, it diminishes the stress of making all those tricky ethical decisions about everything else
  • I will not be called up to foment rebellion in Botswana
  • My overdraft is no longer in any danger of being nationalized
  • Whatever problems I have in my life, I am grateful for having cheese in the fridge, even though I do not live in Sandton
  • I am not a bloody agent of any organisation in particular (although I am for hire for lone operations)

Let's face it, his two main transgressions are quite impressive for someone his age: bringing the ANC into (more) disrepute and damaging the international reputation of South Africa. I can just see the diary entry for a random Tuesday morning:


8am – bring the ANC into disrepute

8.30 am – eat heaps of bread and cheese for breakfast

9am - damage the international reputation of SA

9.15 SMS Floyd Shivambu to keep him in the loop

9.30 – go out to buy a purple shirt to wear to a wedding

10.30 am – a quick building inspection on site in Sandton

11.30 am – dancing and singing/songwriting lessons

1pm – park off at the pool

That's pretty good, I think, for someone who wears purple shirts. In fact, just going out to buy the shirt would probably have induced a panic attack in me. Imagine what I would have felt like if I had items on my to-do list such as 'give mine bosses a rev' and 'get another seven whiteys to phone the New Zealand consulate'.

Right, now before you all go and gnash your teeth at the prospect of no more Juju in your lives, it's time to quote the words of that age-old struggle veteran, Winnie Madikizela-Mandela: "I'll  be back". Oops, sorry I meant Arnold Schwarzenegger in The Terminator.

And now I  am off to go and deal with my afternoon to-do list, which includes the destabilisation of Mozambique and the bringing about of peace in the Middle East. If Juju can think big, so can I.

(Susan Erasmus, Health24, November 2011)








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